Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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