On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
