woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
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Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
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He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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