Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
