He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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