omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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