how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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