Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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