So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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