We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
