so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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