i think i have herpe
just one?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
