I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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