remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
