Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
