he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
