literally had 100 drinks last night.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
