That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
