i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I have already put on my inside pants.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
