Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
tell me about the eggs
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
