Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
