Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
