my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
