hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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