I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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