The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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