Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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