he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
As shirtless as possible
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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