U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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