I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think people are normalizing furries
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
