Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
