Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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