I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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