hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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