Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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