So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
