i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
