think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
