real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
