then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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