I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
