I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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