My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
