How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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