I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
