i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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