a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
