I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
