Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
