I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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