all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I want her autograph on my taint
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
