we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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