Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
