Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
