I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
