So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
