he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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