dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
