Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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