absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
