That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
